


I Hate You, I Love You

by BrokenxHappiness



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, side!Jeongcheol, side!meanie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-10-11 15:47:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10468515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenxHappiness/pseuds/BrokenxHappiness
Summary: It was a case of missed opportunities, a play on jealousy and a broken phone. It wasn't supposed to end like this. It was a story of how two lovers are foolish enough to let go too early.Oh God how you hate loving Chwe Hansol Vernon.





	1. I loved you

Your friendship with Vernon had an interesting start. The first text you sent him was literally:

“You like Kristen, right?”

Oddly that's how your relationship pulled off. You played as a secret cupid for him. You found out that he had a crush on one of your close friends. You've known Kristen for quite a while and you knew that she's a good catch, plus she's been single for all her life. You were always keen in burying your nose in other's business. 

You gave him tips on how to win your friend's heart. You gave him motivational talks, encouraging him to make a move. You soon learnt that this boy is a sweetheart. He was pure and a total gentleman inside. He had a rather low self esteem, he viewed Kristen as a princess in a far away castle where he's nothing more than common dirt to be stepped on. 

He was so sweet and innocent. Unconsciously, as you played your fairy godmother role, you fell for prince charming. 

You two became the best of friends through your daily chats. A day without talking to him felt like a part of your life was missing, you felt incomplete. The two of you texted each other every night till the break of dawn, but in class you two only spared quick glances to the other. Occasionally one would discreetly mention an inside joke you two shared and the other would sit there laughing to themself. 

You two became virtual best friends online, yet you were still just acquaintances in the real world. You two barely spoke three words to each other. How is it possible to know so much about a person yet spoke so little to them.

The day came when Vernon wrote a sweet confession letter to Kristen. He gave it to her, right after school as the rest of the class left the room one by one, not bothered by what was going on between Vernon and Kristen. You stood there, slowly packing your bag as you watched Vernon hand Kristen the love letter.

You knew what was inside the letter, you helped him correct it draft after draft. You watched as Kristen raised her eyebrow upon receiving the letter. She rolled her eyes and scoffed. She handed the letter back to him. She didn't even bother opening the letter that Vernon had spent the whole night perfecting.

Vernon was embarrassed. He was rejected. The poor boy was nothing more than crushed. What he had feared came true. He knew that he was not worthy of her love.

You watched as Vernon’s gaze fell to his shoes, biting his bottom lip hard. Kristen slung her bag over her shoulder and left the class.

The classroom was empty except for the two of you.

You slowly made your way towards Vernon. You heard the soft sobs that he's fighting hard to hold back. 

“It's okay. Come here. She doesn't deserve you anyway.” you pulled the boy into a tight embrace. He cried into your shoulder as you gently stroked his hair. 

“It's okay. I'm here. Just let it all out.” you cooed softly. You constantly reassured him that he deserved better than Kristen. You held him tight, trying to give him as much comfort as you could, rubbing his back gently. Vernon’s cries slowly died down.

Vernon pulled back, wiping his tears away. You tried to meet his eyes, still worried.

He opened his eyes and met yours. He smiled and placed a hand on your cheek.

“Thanks Y/N. What would I do without you?” you smiled back at him. You placed your hand on his, which was still gently caressing your cheek.

“Well you'd probably still be crying in the corner of the class alone, thinking that you're not worthy of love.” you replied, trying your hardest to hold back your laughter.

“Hey!” Vernon pouted.

“Hehe… Too soon?” you smiled cheekily to the boy, who nodded his head and placed his hand above his heart pretending that it was hurting deeply. But seeing him laugh tells you that he was feeling much better than before.

“Sorry. Let's go get ice cream then. Something cooling is great to cool down the burn of heart ache.” you quickly grabbed your bag and ran out the room before Vernon could get to you.

“Yah! TOO SOON!! Come back here!” Vernon ran after you, laughing.

From then your friendship bloomed. You two were a perfect pair. Your weirdness matched as your lame jokes were the funniest to him and his were the same for you. You both seek comfort from each other. You were never a social type of person, so he helped to pull you out of a social situation and he stood by you whenever you felt uncomfortable. As for him, he had low confidence in himself. You became his personal cheerleader, giving him motivational talks and encouragements.

You both needed each other. 

The day came when he finally talked about your relationship. He asked what you felt that the two of you shared. He then spoke of how he felt for you.

He then asked, “Do you think it's possible for us to be more than just best friends?”

Then this was the first mistake you made.

You hesitated.

You were scared. To you, he was perfect. You didn't see yourself to be worthy of his love. You always felt that he deserved better. He deserve more than what you could offer. Your fear then grew as your mind thought about the possibility of losing him. You needed him. You knew that you couldn't live without him. You were afraid that your relationship wouldn't work out and you'd lose him entirely.

You hesitated and he noticed.

“I don't want to rush you into it. I understand that it's only been a few months since we officially started talking face to face. But I'll wait. Just take your time and at least consider it. Please?” He handed you a bouquet of roses and a tiny teddy bear key chain. 

The next day, Vernon acted as though the day before didn't happen. He gave you space to think. 

You thought about it over and over, fighting with your fear. You love Vernon. You were sure of it. But the possibility of losing him was too great to risk.

Days went by to weeks, and weeks rolled by to months. Neither one talked about the confession. You made up your mind. When he asked again you'd accept him. That is IF he still wanted you. So you waited for him to ask again. You waited and waited.

Then came your second mistake.

You got jealous. 

It started off innocent at first. Her name was Jaemin. She was in the same class as Vernon for Geography.

In the middle of your late night text, he told you.

“You know, the most random thing happened today in Geography class. We were doing a group work and Jun told me that Jaemin thought I was cute. Apparently I was her eye candy.”

Your heart irked in jealousy. 

_“It's just a compliment. Don't worry about it.”_

“Oh really? And what do you think of her?” you replied to him.

“Ohh is this jealousy I sense. If you're worried, I'm not even close to Jaemin.” he teased you. Somehow you felt annoyed.

“Haha I'm not jealous! I think she's pretty though, don't you?” you waited for his reply. Burning with anxiety as you watched your screen.

_Typing…_

_Typing…_

You dreaded for his reply. 

“I guess she's cute.” your heart fell.

You felt jealous when he didn't even like Jaemin. Yet.

As days passed, you continued to bother Vernon about Jaemin. Testing his feelings for her. At night, you often question yourself why you'd do it. It kills you to hear him talk about her. Somehow that pain was addictive to you. 

Soon, what you feared came true. Your little dates with Vernon was put on hold and postponed as he spent more time with Jaemin. You watched as he slowly slipped away from your fingers. Your late night texts got shorter as Vernon was too preoccupied with texting Jaemin. With every step he took closer to Jaemin, was another stab to your heart.

You were deeply addicted to the pain, like nicotine, you were obsessed.

Late night chats with Vernon soon stopped entirely. You instead spent the night crying out the pain. As dawn breaks you were empty and hollow. You went to school feeling detached from the world. 

You spent the next few months watching Vernon and Jaemin from a far. It was like you're stuck in this glass containment that was slowly filling up with water. You were drowning in your own misery as the others around you were oblivious to your pain. 

Then one day came a random text.

“Heyyo buddy.” you need not see who that text came from. That was how you two greeted each other. It always, always started with a ‘Heyyo’ and ended with a ‘Byeumz’.

“Hey, I missed you.” you read the second text he sent. Your heart shattered. You hated how desperate and pathetic you felt.

“Heyyo. Hahaha no you don't! You're too wrapped up with Jaemin!

You teared up as you pressed sent. Your words were laced with jealousy but through text, those emotions were filtered out, as jealousy is misread to be humour.

“That's not true! You've been so distant lately.” Vernon replied.

_Lately_

It's been months, yet only now he's realised you were not there anymore.

“I've been busy. Hahaha not that you needed me anymore.” tears were now streaming down your cheeks.

“Stop saying that! You're my buddy. Remember what I said that day, I don't know what I'd do without you. I mean it!”

“Hahaha you're fine without me. You've been doing alright these past few months. You don't need me. Hahaha” you threw your phone onto your bed. You couldn't bear to continue the conversation.

Your phone buzzed as another text came from Vernon. It buzzed and buzzed as two more messages were sent.

You cried into your pillow. You let yourself pour out the pain you've bottled up inside. You took a deep breath and reached for your phone. 

“Stop laughing! I'm serious!”

“I told you before that I love you. And I mean it. I still do! I'm crazy for you and I've been a mess these past few months because I thought that I lost you…”

“Please talk to me”

You read his words over.

_"I love you. And I mean it, I still do!"_

You typed out your reply and reluctantly clicked send.

“You don't. You've clearly moved on. You love Jaemin. I can see it, you do.”

You dared not read his reply. You didn't want to know what he has to say.

“Are you crazy? I don't love Jaemin! I love you. And only you! I told you that but you didn't accept my love. I've waited and waited for you. Yet you pretended that it didn't happen! So I sat there patiently. I gave you time and space. And yet you still didn't reply. Yes I feel stupid for waiting for so long for something that wasn't coming but I still waited. Because to me, you were worth the wait. And I'm sorry I used Jaemin to try to get you jealous. I got carried away. I realised that talking about her somehow affected you. And I hoped and prayed that maybe, just maybe I could push you enough to see that I'm worth loving. Maybe that seeing someone love me would make me seem worth loving. I still love you Y/N. And I'm still waiting.”

 

You cried reading his text. You felt stupid. You felt crushed. You managed to reply. 

“Stupid. You're stupid for playing with my jealousy. You pushed me too far.”

“ I know i'm stupid. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Just give me a chance. Let me regain your trust. Let me earn your love.”

“Who said I love you?” 

“I'm mean.. let me try to win your love… I'm sorry”

You laughed at his reply. 

“Stupid. I was kidding. I do love you. But you've really hurt me. I need time to breathe.” You wiped away your tears and smiled. That was the first time you told him your true feelings. 

After that outburst, your friendship resumed from where it left off. It was as though the few months of hiatus didn't exist.

Then came the final blow.

Jealousy mixed with missed opportunity.

It was summer break. You won two free tickets for a concert. You thought that maybe it was a great idea to invite him along.

“Heyyo buddy. You up? I got two free tix to a concert. Wanna be my date?”

_You waited and waited…_

_And waited and waited…_

That night you waited and not a single reply was heard from Vernon.

_“Hmm maybe he's busy”_

You waited for hours, days and weeks. Yet he still didn't reply. The day of the concert came and you didn't go. You gave your tickets to your friend, Mingyu who went with his date.

_“Maybe he went overseas for a holiday.”_

The day after the concert you got a call from Mingyu.

“Hey, no need to thank me again. So, how was your date with Wonwoo?” you said, not giving him time to even greet you first.

“Hey y/n. I'm sorry. I hate to tell you this but I saw Vernon last night at the concert.” Your heart fell. You've sent a couple other text to Vernon after the invitation, asking if he's alright and asking him why he hasn't replied. You joked that he has blocked your number, but deep inside you feared that he had.

“What? Why are you sorry? Hahaha..” you tried your best to sound amused but on the other line, Mingyu could hear the pain in your voice.

“I'm sorry because I saw him with Jaemin. After the concert I saw them again at the car park kissing. I'm sorry.” Your phone slipped from your hand and fell to the floor. Tears were building up in your eyes. 

Mingyu’s voice were faint, calling out for you, asking if you were alright. Then the line died. You fell to your knees. 

Your entire world came crashing down. 

Countless of doubts about your self worth came true. Vernon got tired of waiting for you. You were not worth the wait. Jaemin was a better choice. Jaemin was so much prettier and lovelier than you. Jaemin was perfect, you were a mistake.

You cried your heart out. Pain engulfed you whole. You felt worthless and pathetic. You were stupid for thinking that such a guy like Vernon would really love you. 

When school resumed after summer break, you dreaded to go to class. You've observed Jaemin's Instagram post over the holiday. They've went out three more times after the concert. They went for a movie, a picnic and a dinner date. You've spent countless of late nights crying yourself to sleep. You felt stupid and pathetic. All for the same boy who had made you felt so happy and valuable.

In school, you've spent the first few weeks avoiding Vernon as much as possible. When the bell rang, you were the first to run out of the classroom. During recess, you kept to yourself, eating at the rooftop. Whenever you saw Vernon walking towards your direction, you'd run away in the opposite direction and within seconds you're gone.

One day, Seungcheol came up to you as you were keeping your books in your locker. You jumped when you felt him tap on your shoulder.

“Woah calm down. I'm not Vernon.” He said, holding his hands up.

You rolled your eyes to him, “so what if you're Vernon. It makes no difference. I was just startled.”

Seungcheol scoffed at your words. 

“Oh spare me the lies. I know that you're avoiding him. It's SO obvious. Vernon just wanted me to tell you that he broke his phone over holidays. He forgot that it was in his pocket and it got wet when he was pushed him into the sea.” 

You took in his words carefully. You took a moment to process what he said.

_“It broke. He didn't blocked your number. He wasn't ignoring you.”_

For a moment a smile crept up to your lips as relief washed over you. Then your smile fell.

“And yet he still went out of his way to contact Jaemin. Tell him I said noted with thanks… But I never wanna hear from him again.” You spat the bitter words as your eyes started stinging with tears. Seungcheol was speechless, there was nothing he could possibly say to reason out his friend. What you said were true. You slammed your locker shut.

You quickly turned away to storm off but instead, you bumped into Vernon who was standing, hidden behind the door of your locker. He caught you in his arms. 

“Y/N..” his voice trailed off as he saw the tears that began rolling down your face.

“Go away…” you managed you say as you pushed him aside, and ran off crying. 

You heard Vernon calling out for you but you ran as fast as you could. 

You love Vernon with all your heart. But he hurt you so bad that there was no excuse he could give to save himself. You were done with him. He has crushed you to bits, playing with your emotions. It hurts you every time you see him. 

You hated him so badly. You hated how he made you feel. You hated how desperate you were about him. You hated how much you needed him. 

You hate that you love him. Even though you don't want to, but you just can't seem to put anybody above him.


	2. You Hate Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the same story of how you loved him and now you hate him, all for the right reasons.... Right?
> 
> Here's the same tragic love story, this time it's told from Vernon’s point of view.

It was a case of missed opportunities, a play on jealousy and a broken phone. It wasn't supposed to end like this. It was a story of how two lovers are foolish enough to let go too early.

You weren't the prettiest one of the lot. You were the single daffodil in the bouquet of roses. You didn't had that radiant glow shining bright. Nor did you have a stick figure, barbie doll look.

Vernon was well aware of that.

He was also aware of your generosity. He was aware of how you were loving and always put others before yourself. How you find it more important that other's happiness is attained before you strive for your own. 

You had a beautiful heart that stole his.

Just a random text from you that got the ball rolling. A single text from you that led to the change of how he viewed you. Just a strange string of words that led the a beautiful relationship. 

“You like Kristen, right?”

From that single text, y/n played cupid. Vernon took your advices seriously, trying his best to act the way Kristen had liked. He “subtly” brought up all the things Kristen had been obsessing ever, trying to show that they shared the same interest. 

Even though he hasn't listened to groups like Five Seconds of Summer nor was he a fan of One Direction prior to trying to get Kristen’s attention. 

The moment when Kristen rejected him was horrid. 

Vernon felt crushed and broken.

But that horrid feeling didn't last for long because he had you. The moment he felt your arms wrap around him, he melted into your embrace.

For long he couldn't understand why it was so easy to let go of Kristen. He was sure that his heart was stolen. His mistake was that it took him a while to realise that it was you who stole it, in the process of helping him win over Kristen. 

He found himself looking forward to text you the second he reached home, despite spending the entire day with you just minutes before. 

A night without a goodnight text feels like his day was incomplete. 

You were integrated into his routine. 

He'd check his phone the second he wakes up. Laughing at the witty and lame puns or jokes your brain decided to regurgitate at 4 in the morning. 

Before he starts eating his breakfast, he'd send his daily greeting; “Heyyo! You up?” to which you'd reply seconds later with something along the lines of “No. Five more minutes.” 

By noon Vernon would share some random or embarrassing story which you'd still be able to recall years later. 

At night, your conversation would just be casual and light, talking about what had happened for the day. 

By 1-2am that's when the conversation gets deep. He'd open up to you about his insecurities and you'd do the same to him. 

And the last one awake would end off the day's chat with the same line, “Have a sweet dream buddy, Byeumz.”

You became a huge part of his life.

You became more than just a best friend to him. 

You were his all. 

So months after coming to terms with his emotions, he decided to come clean to you. He wanted to tell you exactly how you've made him feel. 

He wanted to let you know that in this world of roses, you were the beautiful daffodil that he loved and cherished. 

It was 6:54am. 

There was an hour and 6 minutes to spare before the morning bell rang. 

The night before, Vernon had texted you to meet him at the third floor bench outside the library. 

Vernon wiped his sweaty palms onto his pants. His could feel his heart beating hard against his chest. He ran over the words he had practiced countless of times the night before. 

There you were. 

He watched as you made your way to your usual meeting place. It was odd how he asked to meet up so early in the morning. Usually you two would meet at 7:30am, chat for a little while before heading to class at about 7:50am. 

It was 7:19am.

As usual you were late. He asked to meet you at 7:10am but because of that extra snooze on your alarm, you missed your bus this morning. 

You dropped your bag onto the seat beside the one you took and sat in front of Vernon. Your hair was still a mess from running after the bus which happily left you alone at the bus stop. You combed down your hair with your fingers and smiled sheepishly to Vernon who was just gazing over you.

“Sorry I'm late Vernonie!” You said smiling widely to him.

Vernon felt his heart stopped it's tracks. You were looking completely dishevelled and yet to him, your beauty was still breathtaking. 

He understood why it was easy for him to let go of Kristen. It wasn't the fit cheerleader who's hair sat perfectly at every second that he wants. 

He wanted that cheery, random, basketball player that you are. He prefers the comfy oversized sweaters that almost hid your skirt than the tight fitting crop top she wore. 

You brought comfort to him in every possible form. From your words, your empathy and to your down to earth personality. 

Vernon was sure that he loved you more than his words could ever express.

You were his dream girl. 

“So what is so important that I had to drag myself out of bed this early for?” Your voice interrupt his thought bubble.

He snapped out of his thoughts and cleared his throat. He awkwardly scratched the back of his head, instantly forgetting his perfected speech. All words that he had prepared the night before just flew right out of the window. 

You raised your eyebrow to him, confused. Vernon took a deep breath before he let out his confession.

“Ijustwantedtosaythatyouvetrulybeenthebestthingthathappenedtomeinallmy19yearsoflife.Iknowthatittookmesolongtoseethatyourethebeautifuldaffodilinmylifethaticouldneverlivewithout.Iloveyouandihopethatyoudacceptmyconfessionandmyheartandthatyoullagreetobemine.” Vernon took a great intake of breath as all his words left him like a bullet train and a single breath shot.

You blinked back at him. 

“What?” 

He spoke too fast for you to catch a single word he said. 

Once more he took a deep breath, steadying his nerves before he began speaking once more. 

“I just wanted to say that you've truly been the best thing that happened to me in all my 19 years of life. I know that it took me so long to see that you're the beautiful daffodil in my life that i could never live without. I love you and i hope that you'd accept my confession and my heart and that you'll agree to be mine.” 

He enunciated each word clearly, making sure that you wouldn't miss out a single bit of what he had to say in his confession. 

You jaw fell. 

As much as you'd deny admitting that you've been praying that this was his intentions for meeting up early, you were still surprised that it really came true.

Vernon noticed your adorable, surprised state and gently reached for your hands that we're resting on the table. He gently caressed the back of your palm with his thumb. He glanced up to meet your gaze.

“Don't worry. I won't push you to make an immediate decision. Just tell me when you're ready. Right now just close your eyes for a bit.” 

You did as he asked. 

You waited anxiously with your eyes shut. His hands left yours, not realising how perfectly your hands fit each other's until you start missing the feeling of his hands in yours.

You felt something soft placed in one of your hand and something cold in the other. Vernon placed a soft lingering kiss on your forehead before he told you to open your eyes. 

You slowly lifted your lids. Your eyes met with the most adorable looking teddy bear with a red heart sewn onto its hands. In your other hand lay a single flower. 

You picked up the little envelope placed behind the flower. As you turned to face Vernon, you found that you were alone there and he had already left while you were too preoccupied with the gifts. 

You read the letter in the envelope. 

Dear Y/N

I know that this is as cheesy as cheesy cheese could get and I doubt I could get any cheesier than this. But I just want you to know that I mean what I said when I told you I love you. You mean more than the world to me and I hope you'd give me a chance. You deserve the moon but I could only give you worthless rocks but I'll find my way to get you the moon you deserve. Thanks for being a great friend and buddy. 

I will give you your time to consider and think about it. No matter what your answer is, just know that I will always love you and nothing could ever change that.

-Vernon

Your eyes started tearing as you read the entire letter. Your heart was beating fast and everything was happening so quickly. 

You knew where your heart stands but you were afraid that you may lose him entirely as a lover, as a buddy, as a friend. 

The risk was too great to bear. 

You've heard countless of stories of how besties turned lovers crashed along the way where they realised that it was only love as friends more than as lovers. The break had lead to awkward greetings and uncomfortable silences as what intimacy was shared could never be erased. 

The day went by smoothly. Many questions were thrown to you about the flower and the bear and who gave it to you. Vernon did a splendid job in pretending that what had happened earlier that morning did not happen. He also played along with the rest, nudging you playfully and asking who's the mysterious admirer. 

Vernon slumped onto his bed the moment he reached home. He slipped his phone out of his back pocket and unlocked his phone.

There was an unread message. 

He smiled as he read your name seen on the contact ID. 

“Thanks for the morning flood of cheese. I really appreciate it.”

There was a photo attached to the message. It was a photo of you kissing the bear’s cheek. He felt his heart beat faster. He smiled goofily to himself.

He was about to type out his reply to ask you how long you'd need but he best decided to let you reply at your own will. 

He replied with a simple, “Awe” before changing the topic about something that happened earlier that day. The nightly chat goes on as usual. There was no mention of the confession.

Not that night. 

Or the night after that.

Or even the night after that.

Vernon waited for your reply. Days rolled into weeks and weeks became months. Soon, his hopes fell along with his self esteem. 

Although he tried his best to be the perfect buddy for you, he was all torn up inside. The only thing that kept him alive and still trying hard to be the friend you need is the smile on your face. Anything to make you happy. As long as you're happy, he's satisfied. 

But that doesn't entirely remove the crushed feeling he felt every time you call him ‘bro’ or ‘buddy’. He had to swallow the bitter pill of reality that how he saw you was nowhere near how you saw him. 

You were his queen and yet to you he was just another knight protecting your castle. 

Then Jaemin popped into the picture. 

That day in Geography class, he knew something was one the moment he stepped into class. Vernon turned to the group of girls sitting about the back of the class. The group eyed him up and down before turning back to their own bubble, giggling away. 

At the end of the period, as Vernon was cramming his large text book into his bag, Jun called out to him and literally skipped over to his table. 

“Yo! Dude guess what!” Jun ‘whispered’ excitedly a little too loudly as the students leaving the class glanced over to the tall boy.

Jun leaned over the table, calling for Vernon to come closer as though he was about to drop the greatest bit of gossip of the century. 

Vernon rolled his eyes but played along, leaning closer to hear what Jun had to say.

“The whole group of girls at the back was busy checking you out ever since Jaemin pointed out how cute she thought you were. Called you her eyecandy.”

Jun winked at the boy and hopped off to his seat partner to share the news.

Vernon slung his bag over his left shoulder and walked out of the class. 

He could hear Jun’s voice slowly fading away as the boy tried to wake his seat partner up, “Yaahh Minghaoo~ you can't believe what I just heard today. Yah Mingming~”

Jaemin was indeed a decent girl. She was intelligent and funny. Although she had a nice personality, because of the group of friends she associate with, there was an aura around her that just screams girly girl.

As night fell, the conversation started getting deep. Somehow you two were discussing about the definition of cute. All of a sudden, the piece of information that Jun shared came into your mind. Thinking that it would be stupid not to share something ridiculous like that with his best friend he told you.

“You know, the most random thing happened today in Geography class. Jun told me that Jaemin thought I was cute. Apparently I was her eye candy.”

The reply he got from you intrigued him. 

Was this jealousy he's sensing from you?

He tried to push you further with it, slowly testing the waters but you were strongly in denial of any feelings of jealousy. There was a glimpse of hope, that mere possibility that you possibly do like him back, it just take time and effort. 

Although he felt guilty about it, for the next few weeks, Vernon tried to evoke that jealousy in you again but you didn't seemed bothered. 

He started talking to Jaemin in front of you. He casually mentions of her during your daily chats and even invited Jaemin along for one of your y/n-and-Vernon dates. You didn't seem at all affected by it, even more you seemed to be encouraging it on further. 

Once again that tiny bit of hope he had of the possibility of you loving him back was crushed to dust. He noticed that you've started to go A-wall on him. Your excuses would be you were busy with practice or that you want him to try to get closer and get to know Jaemin even better. 

Vernon could feel himself screaming internally. Every time you support and promote the idea of “Vermin” he felt like breaking a solid wall. 

As time passed he stopped receiving text messages from you. Every time teaching second he reached home, he'd unlock his phone and check for new unread messages. Every time, his heart fell when his inbox is empty. 

He felt empty.

It felt as though a chunk of his life had been ripped off him. He was lost without you. 

He even tried giving Jaemin a chance. She clearly has strong feelings for Vernon. She made it extremely obvious, every time they talked. Jaemin was a great individual. Although occasionally, while he's joking about with Jaemin, his mind would stop thinking about you. But endlessly, despite his efforts to stop thinking of you, his heart was still pounding in pain. 

Then came a time where he couldn't take it anymore. He slipped his phone out and unlocked his phone. 

He stared at his wallpaper, it was a photo of the two of you that he took earlier that year on his birthday. You two were wearing matching onesies.

He remembered that day clearly. You stayed over at his house for a slumber party. The two of you played all the lame bored games such as monopoly and scrabble. But being the weirdos you two were, along the way, new rules were introduced and gibberish words were accepted. It was a day of fun and laughter. 

That photo was taken about three weeks before his confession.

How he hoped that he could turn back time and remain as besties the way you two were before the confession. 

Vernon clicked onto your message chat. 

“Heyyo buddy.”

He wanted to punch himself in the gut as he hesitantly clicked send for his second text. 

“I miss you.” 

Vernon threw himself onto his bed, dreading your reply. You brushed off his text as though it was nothing. 

Once more he felt crushed. 

He tried to insist how much he had missed you but you didn't take his word for it. You insisted ever since he had Jaemin, there was no longer a place in his heart to even spare a thought for you.

When Vernon read your words, he felt like throwing his phone out of the window. 

“I told you before that I love you. And I mean it. I still do! I'm crazy for you and I've been a mess these past few months because I thought that I lost you…”

Vernon reluctantly sent the message. He knew that his words sounded absolutely pathetic. 

Heck, he was feeling pathetic.

But he can't really care much anymore. He wanted you to know exactly how he felt.

He waited for you to reply. He could see that you've read the message. He groaned inwardly.

“God she's probably sick of me now.” He thought.

“Please talk to me”

Vernon waited anxiously as he could see you typing out your reply. 

Once again his heart fell when he read your reply.

“You don't. You've clearly moved on. You love Jaemin. I can see it, you do.”

Vernon literally threw his phone onto the bed. He let out a silent scream of frustration before retrieving 

“Are you crazy? I don't love Jaemin! I love you. And only you! I told you that but you didn't accept my love. I've waited and waited for you. Yet you pretended that it didn't happen! So I sat there patiently. I gave you time and space. And yet you still didn't reply. Yes I feel stupid for waiting for so long for something that wasn't coming but I still waited. Because to me, you were worth the wait. And I'm sorry I used Jaemin to try to get you jealous. I got carried away. I realised that talking about her somehow affected you. And I hoped and prayed that maybe, just maybe I could push you enough to see that I'm worth loving. Maybe that seeing someone love me would make me seem worth loving. I still love you Y/N. And I'm still waiting.”

It wasn't long before Vernon’s phone buzzed with y/n’s reply.

“Stupid. You're stupid for playing with my jealousy. You pushed me too far.”

Guilt seeped from within him. It spreads within him through his veins to every inch of his body.

“I know i'm stupid. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Just give me a chance. Let me regain your trust. Let me earn your love.”

Once again his phone buzzed with y/n’s reply.

“Who said I love you?” 

Vernon’s heart fell. Although he didn't meant it that way, for y/n to state it like that so bluntly hurts to the core. He felt his tears stinging his eyes.

“I'm mean.. let me try to win your love… I'm sorry”

He clicked sent and slumped onto his bed. His tears silently rolled down his cheeks. He wept quietly into his pillow as his phone buzzed once more with your reply. 

He didn't want to continue the conversation. He didn't want to hear what you had to say anymore. 

He felt hurt beyond repair.

Vernon took a deep breath before wiping his tears away. He sat up and reluctantly grabbed his phone. 

“Stupid. I was kidding. I do love you. But you've really hurt me. I need time to breathe.” 

Vernon wiped away your tears and smiled. That was the first time you told him your true feelings. 

Vernon screamed into his pillow. He was feeling beyond elated. 

“Y/N just practically confessed.” 

Vernon pondered if he should edge you on further about the matter but he decided that it's best if you'd be the one who'd say that you're ready to take another step in this relationship and not him questioning you over and over about it. 

He meant what he said, he didn't wanna stress you into making a choice that you'd regret in the future.

So he decided to wait until you're really ready.

After that outburst through text, your friendship resumed from where it left off. It was as though the few months of hiatus didn't exist.

Soon, the holidays were just around the corner.

On the last day of school, a couple of the guys came together for a little party. It wasn't a wild type of party you'd expect from a group of teenage boys. 

Seungcheol had invited a few of them over to his house to sort of celebrate the end of a hectic school year. 

There was just the seven of them; Seungcheol, Vernon, Mingyu, Jun, Jeonghan, Soonyoung and Seokmin. 

They were all chilling in Seungcheol’s backyard. Seongcheol and Jeonghan were playing in the pool, splashing the water at each other. The rest if the guys sat around the mini campfire, chatting about.

“Hey Mingie why didn't you bring along your Wonwoo with you today? Seungcheol did say that it's open to plus ones.” Soonyoung cheekily asked Mingyu. 

The tall boy’s face turned a deep shade of red.

“Ehh he's blushing!” Jun pointed out

“So it's true that you and Wonwoo is officially a thing? Or are you still too big of a coward to tell him how you've been feeling for the past- what? Fifteen years? Do you need me to ‘accidentally’ slip a note to him telling him how in love you are?” Seokmin joined in the teasing.

Mingyu shook his head vigorously. 

“Noo! I don't not want you anywhere near him! Besides it's only been thirteen years.”

The rest of the boys broke out in laughter.

“Bro! Like as if that makes a difference. You're really hopelessly in love with that boy! You know what, why not we tell him now exactly how you feel for him?” Vernon smiled devilishly.

He slipped his phone out from his pocket, dramatically unlocking his phone and loudly searched for Wonwoo’s number in his phone. Honestly, he hasn't even opened the contact list, he wasn't actually going to call the boy anyways. He just exaggerated his actions to scare the other boy.

Vernon’s plan to scare the boy succeeded as Mingyu pushed Vernon over, panicking. 

Vernon’s chair tipped over, sending the poor boy into the pool along with his chair and phone. The huge splash of water had popped Seungcheol and Jeonghan’s little intimate bubble. 

All of the boys laughed seeing the confused boy in the pool.

“AH FU- My phone!” Vernon yelled out before diving down to the floor of the pool to grab his obviously ruined phone. 

When Vernon resurfaced, Mingyu began apologising profusely. Vernon sighed and simply waved off Mingyu’s apology. It was his fault anyways for wanting to scare the boy. 

Karma really works wonders. 

As night the night fell, Vernon instinctively reached for his phone to send you a last good night text but then he remembered that his phone was dead beyond repair. 

Vernon sighed. 

A few days passed and he missed texting you. He tried to come by your house but it turns out your family was away for a holiday. He wasn't sure how long would you be gone. He came by every other day, knocking on your door and waiting for about fifteen minutes before heading home. 

He did that for about two weeks until he decided to just tell you all about the mishaps when school reopened.

Vernon laid on his bed, feeling absolutely bored. 

He finally got out of bed and sat at his desk. He took out his assignments and began working. He was that desperate that he was willing to do homework to pass time.

Vernon heard someone ringing the doorbell. His mum opened the door and greeted the visitor. He couldn't really hear who it was since the voices were muffled by his closed door. 

He heard a knock on his door. A little startled, he called out and invited the visitor in, without even leaving his seat.

A familiar face appeared behind the door. 

“Hey Vernie. Your mum told me I could find you here in your room.” 

“Oh Jaemin… What are you doing here?” Vernon questioned.

Jaemin blushed and twirled her the edge of her newly straightened hair with her index finger. It was obvious that she was hoping for a compliment about her new hairdo. Vernon didn't want to give her what she wants as he has tried not to give her any more false hopes that he has aby feeling for her. 

He doesn't wanna be the jerk who leads an innocent loving girl on fruitlessly. 

Jaemin’s shoulders visibly dropped a little when her little trick to fish for compliments had failed.

“I just wanted to see if you'd be interested to go to a music fest with me. And seeing how you're actually doing school work, it's clear that you're desperate for something to do.” She winked and pressed the spare ticket onto Vernon’s chest. 

Her hand lingered a second too long, her delicate, manicured finger tapped his chest lightly. Vernon took the ticket and took stepped back. 

Jaemin gave him a satisfied smile.

“Great! I'll take that as a yes then, since I'm not hearing a no from you. The concert is tomorrow. Pick me up at 5 for lunch and it starts at 7, so we'd have plenty of time to chill.” Once again, Jaemin winked at Vernon.

She flipped her hair off her shoulder before turning to the door. Right before she closed the door shut, she pressed her fingers to her lips before sending a flying kiss to Vernon.

Vernon felt a chill run down his spine. 

Yes, Jaemin was a sweet and funny person. But she could also be obnoxiously bold. He looked at the ticket in his hand. 

“If only it was Y/N, I'd agree to go in a heartbeat.” 

The next morning, Vernon jogged over to y/n’s house once more. He pressed the doorbell, and just like the past few days, his arrival was met with absolute silence. Nothing stirred within the house. 

Vernon sighed, turning his back to the door and headed home. Just as he turned the block, a groggy y/n came to the door. 

~~~

You were annoying at how there had been this prankster who's always disturbing your peaceful sleep for the past few days. Since you were alone at home these days, your parents were visiting your extended family in Australia, you had to answer the door.

By the time you got out of bed, down the stairs and opened the door, the little misfit is gone. 

You sighed deeply before you turned on your heels, slamming the door shut behind you. 

~~~

Vernon had no mood for loud music or the sweaty, half drunk people crashing against each other as they tried to dance to the music. He felt uncomfortable and bored. 

“Hey! Jaemin! I think I'll head to the carpark for a bit of fresh air! You enjoy yourself here first alright?” Vernon tried to speak over the loud music that was beginning to wreck his ear drums, and start a migraine. 

Jaemin could clearly see that Vernon was not interested in the concert. It was also pretty obvious to her that he was not enjoying himself at all since the start of the unofficial date. 

“You know what? Let's just ditch the concert and grab some dinner. How about that?” Jaemin suggested, hoping to please Vernon.

Vernon uncomfortably nodded his head before pushing his way through the crowd. When he finally made his way out of the mess, he could finally breathe in the fresh air. 

“Come on! Let's go!” Jaemin chirped happily, slipping her hand into Vernon’s, pulling him towards his car. 

When they finally found his car, his splitting headache was pounding his brain. 

“Can we just chill here for a bit? My head is killing me and I don't think it's safe for me to drive with such a migraine.” Vernon suggested. 

Vernon leaned against his car door, massaging his temples, keeping his eyes shut in attempts to ease the pain. Jaemin walked up to face Vernon. She ran her fingers through his brown hair. 

Vernon jumped a little at the sudden touch. His eyes opened to see Jaemin’s face barely inches away from his. Jaemin placed her hands on Vernon’s cheeks and leaned forward, tiptoeing a little. Gently pulling Vernon’s head closer, Jaemin kissed him. Vernon’s eyes grew wide in shock. 

The kiss didn't last long at all as the moment the shock washed over Vernon, he pulled himself away from her hold. Jaemin’s gaze fell to the floor. 

Vernon cursed in his head. 

He tried to reach for Jaemin’s hand but she quickly pulled away. 

“I'll just go back to the concert. You go on home.” Jaemin said, as she turned away from him. 

Vernon placed a hand on her shoulder. No doubt she was crying, he could hear her pain in her words. 

“Jaemi-”

“I said go! Go home! Go take care of that migraine of yours! Just leave me alone!” Jaemin ran as fast as she could, away from Vernon. 

Tears were streaming down her face. Once again, she slipped into the crowd. She felt numb. The loud music were in sync with her rapid heart rate. 

“Arggh!” Vernon grabbed his hair in frustration. 

He got into his car and slammed his fist onto the steering wheel. He didn't want to break Jaemin like that. He tried his best to avail this from happening. He didn't want to break such a sweet girl’s heart. 

That night Vernon couldn't sleep.

He feared that something bad might happen to Jaemin. She was broken and it was all his fault. 

Guilt filled him the whole night. 

The next morning, he headed to Jaemin’s house. He knocked on the door and waited. He heard footsteps which stopped short behind the door. The person inside was clearly looking through the peephole. 

He waited for the person to open up, ready to face either one of Jaemin’s parents. He was even ready to face Jaemin herself, but the person behind the door didn't open the door. 

It must've been Jaemin who came to the door, and upon seeing him standing there doesn't want to open up for him. 

Vernon respected her decision. Waiting for a few more minutes, allowing her time to change her mind but his wait was fruitless. 

He turned away and headed home. 

He slumped onto his bed. 

“This has to be the worst holiday ever.”

As time rolled by, the holidays finally came to an end. Over the past few weeks, Vernon managed to get Jaemin to accept his apology. They two made up and remained as friends. Although it started a little awkward, the tension slowly melted. 

He bought her out for a friendly picnic, movie and casual dinner. He also managed to hook Jaemin up with one of his friends, Jun who had always had his eye out for her. 

The two had tried dating and so far, they've being doing well. 

Jaemin shared her genuine feeling and concerns about Jun and Vernon gave her advices on how to handle his self loving moments. Jaemin managed to get Vernon to open up to her about y/n. 

He told her the story of how you two got close and how much he miss you these past few weeks. Jaemin understood his heart. 

As the holidays came to a close, Vernon’s excitement grew. 

He finally got a new phone as the repairmen took weeks to come back to him and say, “Sorry bro, there's nothing that we can do about it. It's a total gone case.”

The first the of school, Vernon came to the usual meeting place. 

He waited for you to come but you didn't appear. Only later that morning, after the first bell did he find you, already in class burying your nose deep in your book. 

He felt puzzled as to why you decided to change your seat. You were at the back. Sitting right at the corner, next to Jihoon who was fast asleep on his desk. In your usual seat sat an upset Seungcheol. 

“Bro, your girl took my seat. Jihoonie happily pushed me off my chair and gave her my spot.” Seongcheol said bitterly. 

“Alright class settle down. Vernon take your seat. I'll be taking the attendance now.” Mr Joshua instructed. 

After Mr Joshua’s class ended, Vernon quickly packed up and headed for y/n’s new seat. Right as he was about to reach you, you slipped out of class and was amongst the sea of students streaming from their previous class to their next. 

Y/N was nowhere to be found. Aside from seeing y/n sitting and paying attention in class, Vernon would only be able to catch a glimpse of you before you disappeared once more.

This continued on for weeks. The frustration in Vernon grew day by day. 

Oddly enough, Mingyu was also starting to be rather distant. At first he thought it was just because Mingyu had been spending more time with his boyfriend, but then he realises that whenever Vernon tried to talk to him, there's always a reason for him to run off. 

One day Vernon cornered Wonwoo.

“Why is your boyfriend avoiding me?” Vernon asked, going straight to the point.

Wonwoo rolled his eyes and pushed off Vernon’s hand that pinned him against the wall. 

“Well my boyfriend is highly disappointed in how you've treated our dear friend y/n.” Wonwoo crossed his arms and glared at Vernon.

Vernon took a step back in confusion. 

“What?” 

“Don't ‘What’ me. You happily got her hopes up during the school year then right as the holidays started, you just dropped her. You've ignored her and gone out dating with another girl?! Do you know how depressed she was the entire holiday? She even put off a trip to visit her extended family in Australia in hopes to spend time with you. She tried to text you countless of times and you still ignored her. She came up with all the horrid reasons as to why you hate her. When we suggested that you were probably too busy we saw you. Me and Mingyu. At the concert. Kissing another girl. She had been waiting for you to reply to the date she had planned for the two of you. She bought you a ticket to the same concert but since you ditched, she gave them to us. Do you know how much she hated herself? She felt pathetic, stupid and much worse than words could ever explain.” Rage was fuming within Wonwoo. 

His words cut Vernon deeper than a knife could.

Vernon felt his entire world coming apart. Everything was coming down, crashing. He felt frustrated, upset and distressed. 

“No.. it wasn't what it seems. Th-there was nothing going on between me and Jaemin. It was nothin-” Vernon’s words could barely be heard.

“Oh save me the lies.” Wonwoo pushed Vernon out of his way and walked off. 

Vernon ran to find Seungcheol. 

“Bro I need your help!” Vernon told the whole story to Seungcheol in less than five minutes. 

Explaining his situation and asking for help.

“Okay.. okay! Relax I'll try to talk to y/n and explain how it's all a misunderstanding. But hearing how upset she was, I doubt she would even wanna hear anything related to you.” Seungcheol shrugged and headed for y/n.

Venn trailed him a few feet away, letting other walk in front of him, for a little buffer effect. 

There you stood, by your locker, taking out your textbook and keeping it in your bag. Vernon watched as Seungcheol tapped your shoulder, making you jump. 

Vernon’s heart ached seeing how you were so on guard in avoiding Vernon that the slightest touch got you shook.

He stood behind the door of your locker, out of sight but within earshot. He listened in to your conversation. 

“Woah calm down. I'm not Vernon.” Seungcheol said, holding his hands up.

Y/N rolled her eyes to him, “So what if you're Vernon. It makes no difference. I was just startled.”

Seungcheol scoffed at your words. 

“Oh spare me the lies. I know that you're avoiding him. It's SO obvious. Vernon just wanted me to tell you that he broke his phone over holidays. He forgot that it was in his pocket and it got wet when he was pushed him into the sea.” 

Vernon waited to hear your reply. 

There was a long pause before you replied.

“And yet he still went out of his way to contact Jaemin. Tell him I said noted with thanks… But I never wanna hear from him again.” y/n spat the bitter words. 

Seungcheol was speechless, even for Vernon himself there was a difficulty in explaining why he hadn't contacted Y/N and why he was able to go out with Jaemin. It was a long and complicated story. One that Seungcheol was not familiar enough to tell.

You slammed your locker shut.

You quickly turned away to storm off but instead, you bumped into Vernon who was standing, hidden behind the door of your locker. He caught you in his arms. 

“Y/N..” his voice trailed off as he saw the tears that began rolling down your face.

“Go away…” you managed you say as you pushed him aside, and ran off crying. 

Vernon called out for you but you ran as fast as you could. 

Vernon loves you with all his heart. What he had to say was not just an excuse to save himself. It was just a complicated case of mishaps and misunderstandings. You were done with him. He has crushed you to bits, when all he wanted was to love you endlessly. It hurts him to know that he had hurt you so bad.

You hated him badly. You hated how he made you feel. 

And there was nothing Vernon could do to set things right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The people on Carat Amino have spoken so here's the sequel to "I Love you, I hate you".
> 
> This one is poor Vernonie's point of view. 
> 
> This story is a tragic case of if it's not meant to be then maybe it'll never be.
> 
>  
> 
> Tell me what you think about it.
> 
> Thanks for reading

**Author's Note:**

> Heres my first ever post here! How's it? 
> 
> Fun fact: This is based on a true story.
> 
> And yes- I was listening to Gnash 'I hate you, I love you' when I wrote this story.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed this!
> 
> Thanks for reading


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